Photo by Lisa
Nothing’s been the same since Pa left us last year. He got up early one morning, said he was going for some cigarettes, and he never came back. Ma said he left us for that bimbo secretary of his, but I know different.
He left us for the sea.
And now the same waves crest and crash in my soul. I’ve been trying to ignore it for Ma’s sake. She needs me. But the pull is strong and I can’t resist anymore.
It’s a wonder Pa lasted out as long as he did. I’m not as strong as him.
So tonight, when the moon is high and the night is deep, I’ll pack my things, kiss Ma’s sleeping forehead, and leave. She’ll understand. She’s got to.
I know I haven’t been around at all in a while… I was really upset about the terrorist attacks in so many places last year and I needed some time to sort myself out.
Things are… okay. On a large scale, I’m worried for the future of my country. I’m worried for refugees and immigrants and people of color and, basically, anyone who is different. On a small scale, I’m muddling through in a place where I don’t fit in.
Words are now my saving grace.
I finished a new book and I’m plotting another. I’m thinking about getting back into journaling and maybe today’s the day I’ll finally put pen to paper. I’ve been told I need to work on my communication skills, even if that just means putting my thoughts to paper and hiding them away from the world.
I’ve read 7 books since the start of the new year, and I’m really proud of that. I’m finally finding balance for my own writing, beta reading for my critique partners, and reading published books. It’s a good feeling.
I’m working on taking care of myself. Eating right, some light exercise, not staying up too late. It’s a struggle, but I’m trying to make good decisions everywhere I can. And that’s all it is. One good decision after another, but sometimes it’s so hard.
How is life treating you? Let me know down in the comments!